Okay, so I am no life coach, relationship counsellor, therapist or luuuurrrvve guru BUT I am in an awesome relationship. I’ve also been in relationships that haven’t worked, so whilst I may not be qualified in this field, I’ve learnt a couple of valuable lessons. As Valentine’s Day is upon us it seems like the perfect time to share them.
Relationships are a journey that require continual work and investment – anyone who disagrees with this statement is probably still enjoying that initial honeymoon period where you believe you have found the embodiment of perfection and a cross word will never pass your lips.
All relationships encounter stumbling blocks, arguments, disagreements and misunderstandings, but as long as the good times, excitement, memories, amazing experiences and laughter far out weigh the above then it’s happy days all round. This does often require a conscious awareness of the needs of your relationship, prioritising it when necessary over other demands in your life and NEVER allowing yourself to become complacent, that last one is crucial. Complacency is a total passion killer, in fact never be complacent about anything, including you health.
Some might wish to add layers of complexity to relationship advice, but these posts are about offering two simple pieces of advice that allow you to implement change without overwhelming yourself. I’ve been in a relationship with Keris for over 7 years, we live and work together running our own businesses, which means we spend a lot of time together and I mean a lot of time. It’s not always easy and I’m sure Keris feels like killing me sometimes, equally she has her habits that drive me insane, but we make it work. The two things I’m about to mention have been fantastic for supporting our own relationship and keeping it healthy, I think most couples would benefit from taking note and implementing these as daily/weekly habits.
1) Plan Date Nights
You remember those don’t you? When you would take time to plan a cracking evening for your girl or guy? Those times you would be super excited to see them, head somewhere new and exciting for the day or evening? These are pretty trendy these days and initially I thought they were a little cheesy, until it occurred to me that we rarely set time aside to do something special for each other on our own. Keris and I now take turns to plan a date night or day and have 2-3 a month, we’ve been to comedy nights, rock climbing and to the theatre. It doesn’t have to be expensive; a picnic, a woodland walk, the cinema or simply cooking up their favourite meal and watching their choice of film.
Planning these nights sounds rather formal but if you don’t schedule them our busy lifestyles mean they’ll often go on the back burner and not happen at all. For us date nights are a chance to spend some quality, non-work related time together. For you it can be similar; a break from the kids, work and home life stresses, a chance to step back in time when it was just all about each other.
Keris and I actually spend the whole day apart and I arrange to pick her up at a certain time or give her the post code to meet at. It reminds us of our dates when we first met. It’s kind of like mild and boring role play 🙂
Plus date nights will 9 times out of 10 end with sex, which of course is awesome! So if you needed an extra incentive to plan a date night, I think we just found it. It’s no secret that when in a long term relationship the frequency of your love making reduces but it needn’t be non-existent. If you have followed us for a while you may be familiar with our concept of Maxinutrients for optimal, health and happiness and sex is up there along with stress management, sunlight exposure and sleep health. So in the name of health get planning your next date night 😉
2) Complement & Appreciate One Another
Sounds simple yet so many couples neglect to do this on a regular basis. After a relationship hits a certain duration it’s easy to take each other for granted and forget to mention the attractive qualities you love and experience daily. I’m not just talking about physical beauty either it could be admiration for their dedication to studying or training, the care and support they have for family and friends, appreciation for the meals they cook and the emotional support they offer you. I do think it’s important to tell your partner you think they’re hot on a regular basis and how attractive you find them. Personally, I think Keris has the best bum in the world and I tell her this 4 times a day on average, amongst other compliments of course.
Non of this is hard to do but it’s easy to forget to and just a little effort here really goes an incredibly long way in supporting a healthy, happy relationship.
So plan a nice night out, tell your other half how amazing they look and head out for a night like you just first met.